sigh

 I got a text late last night waking me up- from Karen. She's the older divorcee that H was seeing last year around this time. His sugar mama, he tried to keep her happy so she'd help with money. Well, apparently she was going through his At&t phone records and saw a number of calls and texts to my number (and others) so she texted me. Told me about his DUI (which is actually why he was in Ohio apparently, for a court date) , told me that he told her that I was stalking him.  I don't know how to feel actually. More numb and ambivalent than anything. I can't tell anyone about this, because everyone already hates him. So it's something that I'm going to have to work through alone.

I knew there was someone else, and I knew (after Ohio) that that was Karen. So I feel like I've already had time to process the majority of it, so that's why I'm not upset. Besides, my mantra has been to live in the moment, especially with him. I can't have expectations or hopes. It disturbs my peace that he told her that I was stalking him- so that will need to be addressed at some point. All of this actually makes me want to talk to him and clear the air, but unfortunately, he doesn't operate on my time, I'll have to wait for him to call me. 

The longer this goes on, I feel like I see light at the end of the tunnel, only to have it blow up in my face. At what point will I close it all down? Will I hit a point of no return?