I am so very tired. The last several days have been rough as far as employees calling off, putting in their notices, being late... and all the phone calls and texts seem to happen between the hours of 10pm and 7am. I try really hard not to bring work home with me, but I can't seem to get away. :) I am really counting down until I don't have to be at work anymore. When can I quit? When can I run away on an adventure?
I don't know. I have no one to replace me at either job. Peppercorns could get by without me... but the other one, I have no idea what they'd do. Crash and burn for sure. And that isn't ego talking. I just know how fragile the balance is there, and how much I have to do to keep it heading in the right direction.
On another note, it's Jerusha's 17th birthday. Which blows my mind. She was such an angry baby, she didn't ever want to take a nap... she had to scream and cry herself to sleep way more than any of the other children. But some days I realized that all she really needed was a cuddle to sleep, so I'd pick her out of her crib, and let her lay down on my bed with me. She'd be asleep in minutes.
She was the first girl after the 3 boys, so we had so much fun dressing her... "she's not your baby doll" my dad would tell us sometimes after we'd changed her outfit yet again. :)
But now, she's super quiet, but can sing like an old black woman. She has yet to accept who she is and what she could be- still just awkward and finding herself. And I love her.
My unicorn inspires poetry out of me... there are just moments, especially lately that my spirit just soars. He seems to instinctively know the route to my heart. I have to remind myself every day that I don't know yet if it's real. It feels real, it sounds real, but until I see that face in person, my head will not believe what the soul sings. There are days that I'll imagine what meeting him will be like for the first time... what my reaction will end up being. Somehow every scenario only seems to picture me running to his arms. Maybe with a skip too. ;)
But mostly I can't wait for him to finally open up all the way and talk to me. He's getting there slowly, but I know the assurance of being face to face is required for the rest.
I told my parents about me going with him to Costa Rica. That was a fun conversation. My mom understood more than my dad. My mom however, is inclined to see only the good things in life, and not realize how very wrong things could go, how people are not always good. My dad's reaction was one of, "you need to watch the taken movies over and over again until you understand why this is a bad idea." The scenarios that go through his head involve serial killers, sex trafficking, and all kinds of horrible things.
His initial reaction was one of "he's going about this the wrong way". Sometimes my dad forgets what year it is, and how lots of people meet via the internet these day. How guys no longer ask permission of the dads in order to date their daughters. And he forgets sometimes how old I am. He doesn't understand why I've never had a boyfriend. The one down in Florida was as close as it came, but wasn't- and my dad never met him. He thinks it's easy, like picking a blade of grass. But it isn't. Yes, if all I wanted was someone that wanted me to sleep with, sure I could have at least 3 I can think of off hand, right now. But I don't. I never have. I want someone who thinks, who laughs, who loves, who is kind, who wants to be the best of himself. Someone who finds magic, who is not afraid to work hard....
Magic abounds in my life, despite it all. <3 p="">
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