Vulnerablity

Sometimes when you leave yourself wide open just the wind brushing past feels sharp even if it's just the wind. That's how I'm feeling today. There was so much emotion yesterday, so much openness that I feel raw today.

One of my children, actually my favorite of my children- I adopted her first out of this group- she informed me today that she is leaving to go back to Ohio the end of August. Tears came to my eyes. I'm not one to cry easily, but 1. she's like my right hand man at both jobs. I can count on her. 2. She's my buddy, I'm probably closer to her than the rest of my children. 3. I'll have to find a replacement and that will be difficult- the year round employee pool is slim pickin's. 4. It means I'll have to work more and not make as much money.     But I'm glad she's happy. She's going back to be with her boy, and that I completely understand.

I got home from work around 10:30 last night and my almost 17 year old sister came out of her room- So I talked to her- she'd been crying because there had been several days of silence between her and my dad. The children have a bad habit of not addressing situations when they occur with my dad- hoping that they will just blow over. They won't. You will always have to be the peacemaker.  So I told her she needed to take care of it, of my experiences, - how I have the best relationship with my dad out of all of the kids. He's magic, but he's unstable sometimes. Not dangerously so, but emotionally. He gets hurt easily and writes you off easily to prevent that hurt from happening again. His reality to him is the right reality, and sometimes refuses to see through anyone elses reality. But over all, he really is awesome, the bad is just bad.
So things got fixed between them today. I may have instigated it. But, I cannot stand walls of contention. Actually I have a thing about walls period. :)

"I want you to want me" Cheap Trick is pretty much my theme song right now as far as my unicorn goes. But I don't know if he can right now. There's so much he doesn't say.  He told me he doesn't want to promise what he cannot deliver on, which is good, I wouldn't want undeliverable promises.  But, I leave myself wide open, and some days it hurts like today- so I just need reassurance on days like today, that it's worth it. I mean, I know it is, but sometimes there's a disconnect between what you feel and what you know.

Oh my unicorn. Sometimes you just say the most perfect things. And things right themselves in my world again.