Parachutes

I had a retardedly bad nights sleep last night. Stress dreams, irregular sleeping patterns. When I woke up, I sat down between the beds and tried to get my head on straight. The boy woke up, and noticed I was there. So we started talking. My stress and his stress turned into a decision by him that we needed to take a step back. Which while it wasn't, it felt like rejection. So I cried. And he saw the fragile side of me, which freaked him out a bit. I pretend so well. I told him it was there, but he didn't believe me, I think. I was feeling lost, I left everything in Seattle- to be with the one I had decided to love, and then, he was like, let's go back to being best friends. You can see why that would  throw me for a loop. I have no job, no place to live. What am I doing?!
Well, as it turns out- I just needed to process. I'm in no hurry to rush this along either. This whole falling for him has been a really recent development, so slow and steady is fine with me. I know that I was supposed to come here, the signs were obvious, so I swallowed the manufactured pain.
The rest of the day was spent with him in companionable friendship- with the knowledge of the mutual budding love between us. I went to his church with him for their thanksgiving service tonight. His friends were very welcoming, and I had such fun singing with them. They've invited me to join them to sing again on Saturday, which I've agreed to, with the exception- if I've gotten a job by then. We'll see.

I think I'll sleep really well tonight. I need it. Flying by the seat of your pants takes a lot out of you, lemme tell ya!