alone

It's only been 2 weeks, yet it feels like forever.  I don't know why.

I'm struggling today. I think my subconscious is starting to feel alone. I had dreams last night of being alone. That it was my birthday, and I didn't even get phone calls from my family.
Last year I made one of my friends take me out to dinner, I had to ask him to, not that he minded, but still. I hate being alone on my birthday, and it'll be here in 2 weeks.

There's the part of me that says "it's another day since he stopped talking to me." and the other part says "it's another day closer to him talking to you again."
If you read all these posts, you'd think I was one of the silly girls who is a glutton for punishment, who doesn't let go and turn off like she should. I know. I think it every day. But like I said before, it seems wrong.

I am not, in fact miserable, though it may sound like it. I use this to process out feelings that I don't want to carry. I don't want to feel alone, or despairing, or sad- so I write out the feelings so they are released.


At least I work a lot. Doesn't leave time for adventuring, but that also means it doesn't leave time for thinking about the solitary existence I have in a strange new town.