wow

I was a hairs breadth away from giving up. I can't do this. There's too much pain. Spending time with his parents was great, yet terrible.  Memories were everywhere.
To top that off,  Micah shut off communication again. I was tormented by thoughts of "what did I do?" "how do I fix this?" "what does he need?" "how is this going to play out?"
The first shift at work was not impressive. How was I going to make this work?

So with the news between shifts that Micah needed us to not talk anymore, I died a bit. There was no one else who didn't think I was crazy for moving here. No support from my family or friends.  A resigned, "do what you're going to do" but with the underlying "you're crazy, I don't know what you're doing".

There was no way, I didn't know what to do.  I sat and stared at an atlas, looking for another place to go. There was literally nowhere. There was not a single place on that map I wanted to go.  I don't think that has ever happened ever.


I pulled in to work. A table had just sat down. I went to my boss, and told him there was something going on, and I was going to have to leave. I let him be under the impression that it was my dad, and I had to go home. Maybe I was going home, I didn't know. I told him I'd let him know, but I thought I could potentially be back on Friday, but if he wanted to fill my position, feel free to do so.


The  first table was ready, I would take care of them until my replacement came in to work. I go up to the table and get their orders, they ask me where I'm from and why I'm in Breaux Bridge.  I had heard them talking about God, so I knew I could answer truthfully. "God told me to move here, so I did."   They grew so excited. They wanted to hear my story, so I told them a brief outline, leaving out a lot of details. Nothing about Micah except that I had visited here with him, last year.
When I was done, one of the men said this, "God is telling me to tell you something. This doesn't happen very often, and I don't do it lightly. He said to tell you "Don't you dare give up Hope."" the man paused, "You moved here for a man. There will be restoration in that family, and don't give up hope."
....this guy knew nothing about the upheaval of Micah's family. He barely knew of Micah's existence.
Why did he say something about Hope? Why was that the key?

I left when my replacement showed up.
Holy shit. What just happened?!

I had texted Micah's dad when I first got to work. I needed some advice. He invited me to come over.  We talked for over an hour an a half, ranging from the crazy that is this house I'm staying in, to my car problems and future life plans.

I explained everything that was going on, the history even of how I met Micah, everything. His advice on that regard- let him go. Find someone better who can love you like you ought to be loved.  I told him that I would, if I could. And, that I can't. How it feels like I'm denying God's magic if I do.
He himself has never experienced God telling him things in the same fashion as I was explaining it. So he tends to dismiss it out of hand. I appreciate everything he told me, looking at things from different points of view is invaluable to making a legit decision.

And so I stay. I will not give up. I will not cease to hope. There is magic. There is restoration.  The only thing I am allowed to do is show Jesus in all that I am.