I tried

I tried to write our story again. The one from past lives. I failed. It made me want to curl up in a ball and cry.
How can you forget and dismiss the magic that once was?
Do you remember the laughter of the beginning?
Do you remember telling me that it was though my voice was made for you?
Do you remember laughing about our horoscope compatibilities? they were perfect.
Do you remember knowing that I was at one point or another, your other half?

Why did you have to let your head get in the way?  Why did you have to reject out of hand what could be?  Why did you have to build the wall to not need me?  Why did you have to decide that I was no longer a safe spot?

I have never wanted to keep you from God. I've only nurtured that relationship as best I know how. I want you to be the absolute best you can be.
I hate that I feel like you are my person, that it was decreed before the beginning of time. I hate that I feel like if I shut you out completely I deny the magic. I hate that any other guy feels like settling for seconds.

And I will never tell you this. Because that is not what love does. You don't need to be guilted.  I just struggle at times to understand. I didn't mean to be selfish the other day, when I disobeyed your express wish to not be told anything that went on in this house. Why couldn't you understand that I was freaked out?  I wasn't trying to draw you in to the drama that lives here, it was just supernatural and freaky.
I don't have peace about this move yet because I'm still on the fence. I'm still fighting God every moment of every day.
He's brought opportunities and conversations to be- that I know they are part of why I'm here. But, do I have to stay? Can that be my contribution, and now I can go?
Being with your parents keeps the heartache fresh. I don't want to live in heartache.
My only choice is to forget, and shut off my heart.
But that's not what Jesus does. He loves.
How can I?