While I slept I pinched a nerve behind my shoulder blade. So I dreamt I was asking someone to massage it out. I was looking in the refrigerator and he reached from behind me to grab something. Instead I took his arm and wrapped it around me, making him hug me from behind. He started kissing my neck. And then I woke up.
Why do I have dreams like that? I don't want to. It makes me think about the things I had, and things I've never experienced. It makes me want to cry, and I don't want to. I am good. I am fine. There's nothing I can't do by myself.
I was thinking yesterday evening that I don't actually know the last time someone has called me without me calling them first. Especially outside of my own family. Months. I go weeks without talking to anyone outside of work.
That's pretty pathetic.
I'm getting involved with a church that has outreach ministries. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about them, because I am not evangelical at all. But, we'll see what happens. And it's not like I have a bunch of free time either, so we'll see. Right now I'm just following the path laid out for me in signs and wonders.
I'm at the spot where I don't see how anything could work out, but I have undying faith in the magic of following God. Scenarios play on repeat in the back of my mind, but never do I see a happy ending. I don't know how it will work. However- He is magic, so I'll wait and see. Until then, I follow blindly.
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