My brother has been having suicidal tendencies ever since moving to Seattle. Apparently last night he made a call to the suicide hotline. Which was a good step, I think. I'm glad he did. But it stresses me out to be so far away from him. It stresses me out to not be able to take this pain from him. He doesn't know what his purpose in life is, and that is the root of the problem. If there's no point to being alive, why be alive? His brain tells him. I feel like the answer to that though is an individual quest. I can't tell you your purpose, I can only tell you my purpose, which may not be your purpose. So, I don't have any answers. I don't know how to help. My hands are tied. Interestingly enough, I was thinking about him as I went to sleep last night, that I needed to call him today. Maybe I should've just called him last night when it was on my mind.
This is a crazy life we all lead.
I had a late night waffle house date with my new friend Stephanie- that was nice. She's really into essential oils, and has healed herself from being told she had 6 months to live to walking, talking and living once again. So that's pretty cool. One thing that worries me about her is her "say the prayer and youre saved" evangelistic life style. Leading someone in the prayer is pointless? It's the LIFE that matters. That's how we are a society like we are today, they were told they were Christians because they said the prayer, but no one taught them how to embrace the Spirit of God and live as though we were Jesus. Forgiving, loving, hoping, healing- all around us, especially in the Christian community you notice hate, fear, judgements- where is that Jesus you claim to be a part of? So how can "leading people in the prayer" be a good thing without the follow through?
I talked to Donna from Colorado on the phone last night for a little over an hour, I hadn't talked to her since May, when I left for Europe. I had to tell her the status of Micah and I, which is one of the reasons I hadn't talked to her. It was too difficult there for a while.
She was like, you know he loves you. We all saw it. haha. Yes, he did. It was a beautiful thing. Pity it couldn't last on his side.
Tomorrow I'm going to the other side of the state to hang out with my aunt Janet for a couple days. I'm looking forward to that. Yet even there will be the cut out of so much of my life because I can't tell her all the God stuff. How does one live authentically and yet respect the belief systems of so many people?
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