sunshine

There's a hurricane blowing through just to the west, we're supposed to be getting some of it, but at this point, the sun is out and it's a beautiful morning.

Basically that is the story of my life.

There's magic when things are supposed to be getting hairy.

So I met Brittany at the outreach small group, and it just so happened that she needed a place to live, so she's moving into my house as I leave. It's turning out quite well. She's already started moving her stuff in, and my stuff is mostly boxed, I just need to finish and start filling the car. But, most of my "stuff" is kitchen stuff so I needed to get to a point where I didn't need to use things anymore. I just finished up my final cheesecake, so everything is done now. Technically I'm going to be here another week, but I'm just going to eat at work for this week. It makes the most sense. Free food that I don't have to make, dontcha know.


Been dreaming alot again. My subconscious is in a tizzy. It's still getting over Micah, if that were possible, but then there's this guy Brent that's been talking to me everyday for the last month. We just laugh about things and talk about daily things. I don't ask him about his life too much, because I'm scared of it going in that direction. He's older too, so I'm terrified of that. And, I'm afraid besides surface stuff, we don't have that much in common. So, I don't really see a future. And you all know how I am about seeing a future. I need one. I can't just do a relationship for the moment. It's immature. I don't feel the need to learn from relationships, I just want one to grow with and into. With Micah, our lives could have easily melded. We both enjoy the simple life, we both love exploring and traveling, we both love people and helping where we can. We both love music and sharing that with people. It looked like our lives could meld despite it all. But that was not to be.
So, I'm a friend to Brent and anyone else- and I don't know how fair it is to them. They've never met anyone like me, so are drawn like moths to a flame, and I'm scared I'll burn them- because I see no future.

In the dream, the guy I was with, hacked my computer, but it wasn't really my computer (dreams are weird like that), and he saw all these pictures of micah, some real memories, other not real memories- and this guy was so hurt that I still had them. "They're just memories." I said in the dream, "I loved him for years."
But see, that's the whole clincher. I'm not ready in real life to delete pictures, words, memories. I don't look at them, but, they're memories, and I'm not going to destroy them and let nature take its course.  But even on the subconscious level. I guess it's my head knowing that things are not entirely packed away.
I just want to do what's right. By me, by him, by anyone that comes into my life. There's been carnage and I need it to stop.