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it's time to get back to the grind. I'm tired. It was a long week. Monday was fun seeing people- managed to squeeze in quite a few. My favorite was the time with Brent and Jake though. They're so much fun. One thing I did notice though, they really didn't make eye contact with me that much. I noticed it with Brent the day we went on our adventure. I think I make them nervous. I don't know why.
I got a letter from my friend Erik- he's been in jail for the past year, and I guess he got a total of 7 years. Poor thing. He's made some really bad choices. I always knew he was trouble. He has potential, just chooses to not. He's one of the types of people who believes the world owes him something.  He also mentioned in his letter that I intimidated him also.  I think it scares people that I have no obvious vices. I choose to do what's right. It's not that hard, it's just strength of character, I guess. But, I guess that's scary. I just want to do no harm to myself or anyone else. I know that drinking would drop my walls and I would make poor life decisions. So, I don't. I've chosen this life of freedom and adventure.  It's hard enough when I'm sober to say no. To consider consequences. To make sure I don't harm anyone.


Sigh.

I dreamt about him again last night. In the dream he was texting me. Telling me that he thinks about me. That he was sorry.
I made myself wake up. "This isn't real. I can't dream about this."

I do wonder if I ever cross his mind. If I actually had any effect on his life. Especially knowing that he's ever on my mind.
But even I can't see a way that it will ever work out. I can't see him being who I need. And obviously, I'm not who he needs.  So he is gone from my life for the past 14 months.