conversations of trust

The following was written while on the beach yesterday. I knew there was some angst that needed let out.

I am doing pretty great. Things are good. I leave in 11 days. I'm so excited to see people.
And I'm terrified. But I am trusting.

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There were so many reasons that Micah was a bad idea. I knew this when he first started crushing on me. I complained to my mother about his crush, explaining to her the reasons why we were not a good match. But then God said "trust me."
So, I acquiesced, and fell in love for keeps. I opened myself up completely, let myself be fully known. But then suddenly it all fell apart, and "trust" was no longer feasible.
"Why should I trust you, God? I fell in love, to what end?! In a blink of an eye it was over and done."
"Ah, but I didn't say what you were trusting me on. You assumed the end result."
 "But if you aren't clear- how can I trust? I don't know what you're getting me into!"
"And therein lies your lack of trust. You don't get to know. It's not trust if you know. So, we're going to exercise it some more. You're going to Europe."
"Oh, that sounds awesome. I'm good with that!
...How am I going to live when I get there? What will I eat? Where will I sleep? Will my backpack make it there?"
"Guess what?.... TRUST ME!"
"Holy shit, God! You can't be serious! I can't just go to a foreign country with nothing. No plans. No way to fend for myself!"
"Yes, yes you can, and you're going to have to let go and trust me."
"Dude. You're out of your mind."
"You're allowed to think so, but it will make it harder for you to trust me."
"Phooey. I can trust you. How many times have I done it before?!"
"Everytime. I am proud of you. So, why are you fighting me this time?"
"Because you said to love Micah, even though I knew it was a bad idea. And see how that turned out?!"
"Okay... how did that turn out? Is that story over? Are either of you dead?"
"No..."
"Okay, so once again you are assuming. Was it, or was it not the best experience of your life?"
"It totally was."
"Do you more fully comprehend Me, Love, and TRUST?"
"Yes, I do."
"Okay then. I am not in the wrong. You need to trust me. It might not turn out like you imagine but it will be the best thing ever."
"Into your hands I commend my spirit."