hmmm

This is one of those moments where I feel like writing, but I'm not sure what to say. I usually write so that I can process and put my feelings into words instead of letting them stew around in my brain in a jumbled mess that I can't define.
But right now, right now, I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know what to say.
I'm really good. I'm in a good state of mind. I'm happy, I've been enjoying the sun. Work has been fine. I have 18 more days until I leave, not that I'm counting or anything... :)
I'm excited about the my trip to Europe. I'm excited to have adventures. I haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing, but we'll see how it goes!
I got bored of messing with the travel buddy. Too many lies, but I didn't feel like calling him out. Too much energy for no purpose.
I think he used another phone number to send a dirty pic. I got one from an unknown number, so I can only assume. I don't know anyone who would do that, otherwise. Crazy.

Even though we were supposed to be taking a month off from talking, I did talk to Micah today. I just wished him a happy 4-20, since I know it's important to him.  But then with his response came the idea that all was not okay in his world, so I asked. And it wasn't. So we talked a bit about it. But he didn't really want to talk about it, he's just in a black frame of mind. There's nothing that I can say that will help him get out of it, unless he wants to get out of it, so I'm letting him be. He knows I'm there for him if he wants it.
And I'm okay. Totally didn't mess with my head at all. Do I feel that overwhelming rush of love? Yes. Can't deny that. I do. But it's not mine- it's like a force of nature, something that simply is. So long as I don't try to control it and make it mine, it seems to be okay.

So, I like never read the Bible, right? Well, for some reason, I thought of Lamentations today after the talk with Micah. More specifically the lack of hope. Well, I hadn't probably read it in, I don't know, 15 years? But when I was a child, the first verse my parents had me memorize was Lamentations 3:24. "The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him."  The beginning part of the chapter is talking about how there is no hope, his happiness is gone. He is in the blackest of the black. But then this. It's pretty crazy.  Anyway. It's interesting the little pieces of ones childhood that just appear out of nowhere sometimes. I mean, I was like 4 when I learned that verse. Here it is, 26 almost 27 years later.

Anyway. that's enough random thoughts.