To him

I didn't realize you still had the power to break even more of me. I thought you hating me and not talking to me was literally the worst thing that could happen. But, this is worse. I found out today that you were talking shit about me, even after we had apologized. You for the things you said, and me, for unwittingly hurting you.  Then you go home, and bring up the past, and talk shit. How could you? I have never spoken badly of you, I have never let anyone speak badly of you. You hurt me beyond imagining, and cut me out of your life over something I never did or said- yet you wouldn't let me explain, you were simply done. You purposefully hurt me. I never have, and never would. Everyone inclined to think badly of you simply because you ended it all, I tried to make them understand why you did it, reacting out of pain on the only person within reach.
So why now, why now, when we've just seen eachother and spread forgiveness, do you immediately go talk shit over the past? That is not forgiveness.
And the thing you were talking shit over- me showing up at your house, to make you break up with me, end our relationship/friendship in person rather than over a text message.... THAT IS WHAT ADULTS DO. I'm am not 12. You don't end everything in a text message. You speak to them, face to face. You had not spoken to me in a month, after seeing me and spending the night with me 3 days prior to you stopping talking to me.  I needed some sort of closure, I never understood why, or what the hell had happened.  Yes, I forced you to do something that you were uncomfortable with, but it was what was right.
I am so sorry that you feel like your love as been stomped and crushed into nothing, but it never was by me, and you know it. I am so sorry that life hasn't been the happily ever after like we all think it should be. I am so sorry that I overwhelmed you by falling in love with you, and not falling out when you did. I never knew what the hell I was doing. I don't know the rules, and I never could play by the rules anyhow.

So much of me says I can't. So much of me wants to run away. Why did you have to move back and spoil my little world, in which I could love a memory and live my quiet solitary life?

The Father said that He would teach me to love like He does. He loves us when we reject him, he loves us when we love him, he loves us when everything is great, and he loves us when we despair in the darkest of nights. But, get this, He even loves us when we talk shit about him.  Oh, Father, you teach me such hard lessons.