debacles

Difficult days, easy days, one after another.

Yesterday was a difficult one. Work was hard, again, but not as hard as last Friday. I was stressing towards the end because I wanted to get done so I could go to see Micah's gig, it was running from 6-10, and if I got out at 8:30-9- I'd still see them play for a bit. I didn't leave until 9:25. There was a table there that wouldn't stop talking. When I saw them pull up at 8:30, my soul just sighed. But, be it as God wills, I kept telling myself.
The table was this old guy, his sister, and her boyfriend. He had come in last week with family and had been trying to figure out his new phone. He was playing with his camera and had took a picture of me. Well, I found out yesterday that he saved my picture as the background on his phone. He's been showing people my face- but hilariously didn't know my name. He asked for my number last night, to which I refused. Why does it always have to be the old guys?!
So, I finally leave and head straight to Lucky Luke's where Micah is playing. I don't see Danette's car, but there are cars in the parking lot, maybe she just didn't come. I walk towards the door. There is no music being played. There's only a few people standing playing pool as I peek in the window. I'm not going in to a sketchy ass bar if no one I know is there.  I go back to my car, as I turn it on, I look behind me and see legs that I recognise. There's Kris, Micah's best friend in Texas, who came down to play this gig with him. I get out and walk over to him- He finally recognises me as I get close, and I laugh. I told him I was about to leave, because I didn't think they were still there. We chat a bit, and then I go back and turn off my car- and lock it since apparently they're still here. Embarrassed, as I walked back, Kris says that the message I sent him, was right on point. (I had sent him a fb message after he deleted me on fb- guessing that Micah had asked him to, and just telling him that I was really sorry he got put in an awkward position- that I loved Micah more than anyone on the planet and that I was incredibly sorry I'd unwittingly hurt him- and simply wished him and his family love and magic.) I brushed it off. I don't care anymore. It is what it is. Naturally, I would not tell him how incredibly hurt I was by it, because that would simply add to his embarrassment and not ease mine at all.  So, I let it slide. Micah came out at this time and gave me a hug.  They were going to play a little more, he thought, but then it turned out that they were done, even though it was a little early. So I didn't actually get to hear them play at all. But, when we went inside, Danette, Holly, Kasey, and Wayne were all there too, so I said hi. Holly and Danette left soon afterwards, taking with them, Kasey's keys. And thus began the debacle.  Holly and Danette weren't turning around because Holly was late already- and they'd gotten stuck in a traffic jam. So Danette was going to have to drive all the way back with Kasey's keys- instead of waiting at the bar for her, Micah suggested we just all go back to his house and wait. I had heard Danette say that she needed to get home because she hadn't even packed yet- and I knew how far away she lived from this bar- a good 40 minutes. So, when we got to his house, I called her volunteering to come get the keys. She agreed because she didn't want to come back, so I told Kasey- but then, after I left I get a call from Danette telling me to go home because I shouldn't be the one coming to get the keys, it was none of my business- Micah could drive Kasey halfway and meet her. She would not be reasoned with- so I went back to his house, and ended up getting Kasey and driving to Danette's house, getting the keys- and driving her back to the bar.
Why did I do all of this? Because it seemed like the thing to do. I was just trying to solve a problem that I could fix.  Sitting at Micah's house, where things are yet a little strained between him and I, didn't seem ideal- I felt like I was only there because I had to drive Kasey, so there was no point to me being there. So, I might as well do something useful. And then, afterwards, I didn't want Micah to have to drive Kasey- he doesn't have a car, and he was unloading the other car from the gig. Anything I can do for him, I will.
He gave me another hug as we left- a little longer than usual, but my hug in return was just as light as ever. I'm terrified of doing the wrong thing, too much, too little- something that can only be fixed and reassured through communication- which is still off the table.

Sometimes the waves threaten to overwhelm me, and I struggle against them. Unwittingly making things worse. Just float on top of the stormy waves, this is how you stay alive.  Ever I follow....