death

Before I went to bed last night I watched a movie that had alot of death in it. I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep, so I went on you tube, and the suggested video for me was "Homeless Man" the story of Rich Mullins, basically a compilation of memories from his friends after his death. It was heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time.  So today I seem to be surrounded by themes of death, and things to do before you die, making sure the life you're living is the life you want.... Crazy the themes of certain days.
I don't know what it all means. I don't know that it means anything except to be more aware.  Are there things I wish to say to anyone before they or I pass on to the next life? I don't think so. There is a nameless ache that disturbs me, just in the story of the one that I love. The fact that I cannot tell him that it remains even to this day. But, it is something that is impossible at this point of life.
Besides that- I feel like for the most part I do live as though it's my last day- I don't live with regrets, I patch things up as quickly as possible. I say the things I mean, and people know that I love them.

One of the stories I wish I could share, it's a story of the angel that troubled the waters. A doctor comes to the water, seeking to be healed of his melancholy and gloom- but the angel bars the way to the water. This healing is not for you, the angel says. But, I must! The doctor responds, how can I continue to live this way?  Without your wounds, where would your power be? The angel answers. The very angels of heaven cannot reach the hearts of men like one human broken on the wheels of living. In love's service, only the wounded soldiers can serve. All grace, all truth, all power, all vulnerability, communicated through brokenness- the utter honesty of broken men and women in the service of love.


And on the story goes.