mysteries and magic

Last night after work, I went with Allie to get ice cream. By the time we were done, she said she wanted to go get real food. Gosh, this child can eat. I don't ever eat that late, but, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings and got food. On the way I texted Larry, as I passed his street, just saying hi. I invited him to come also when he texted me back. He was super non committal, so I texted him when we were done just to make sure he wasn't coming. No response, so I left. A couple minutes later, he asks if I'm still there, so I say no, and he says he was, but it leaving since I'm not there. I say that I'll turn around, but he says no.  I turn around anyway, at least you can get a hug for making the drive? No, he's good, he says. So I turn around again and drive home. The whole way back home, I'm kinda pissed at him.  Why didn't he tell me he was coming? Why would he not wait the minute and a half it would take me to get back there, I had told him I'd just pulled out. I wasn't far away!  - Unless he wasn't actually there.  Why didn't he want a hug? The dude always wants hugs?  So I was just all sorts of confused.
He's in some sort of a mess, but I don't know what it is. He said that he'd tell me later, and I imagine that it's going to be face to face. I want to be his friend. I am unlike anyone else, there's magic in my veins. So, I simply respond, that I was sorry he didn't text me to tell me he was coming, because I would've stayed, and that I hoped he had a good night. His response was that there will be other times.  And so I shrug.

There is nothing more to do in that situation. I could've gone to his church today, and made him tell me, but I'm not going to.

If there is one thing that I realize more and more as time goes by, if I ever were to be in a relationship again- which is doubtful to say the least. I would need him to make an effort. I feel like I make all of the effort all of the time, because guys have been so damaged by other girls that they lack the cajones to be a man and fight for me. They don't put me in front of themselves. Their needs and wants are the most important. Because they've learned from other girls, that other girls just take from them, so now they need to be selfish and make sure they're getting what they need.   But, I am not like that. I will never be like that. Whether you are merely my friend, or the one that I love, I will always place you first. But, I need someone looking out for me too, so that I'm not drained completely dry.  So when I notice that my life energy and magic is being sucked away, I have to distance myself, so that you don't damage me- I have to be able to keep going.