Direction and prayer

Do you know what's funny?  My life. :-p

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I had pretty much stepped away from all things religious, the past 3 years or so. There would be moments of following the Spirit when I felt led, but mostly I just didn't really bother one way or the other.  I still qualified as spiritual, but not more than that.  I was fine with that. But when I left on my quest in September, God started moving more in my life. It was funny, as I left Kansas to Colorado on my way to Seattle, I remember calling my mom and telling her that I was exhausted. These 2 weeks that I had spent after leaving NC had been spent with Christian friends, and I didn't really hang with that crowd anymore. None of my day-to-day friends at that time were Christians. The unicorn that I was halfway in love with at the time was an ex-Christian too, so it was an easy place for me to be. But then in Colorado I met Micah. And then in Seattle- I dated a bunch of guys who were not Christian- and kept Micah off the table because he was too Christian, and had other issues. It's funny, probably 2 days prior to the 6 hour phone call in which everything changed, I had called my mom to complain that Micah was crushing on me.  So, I wind up back in Colorado- going to church, singing with the worship team, and then a wrench gets thrown in the mix. He hears something from God, because that's what he needs to hear. I hear the opposite, with the barest of explanations as to why.  I am at a loss how to reconcile the two. So, I leave, because that's the only option to potentially walkaway with anything. And God continues to tell me to let go. Each day it's a process, but if I try to be in control, if I try to maneuver this, it'll fail. Letting go is the only option. And then God says to me, 'I want you to pray.' And I say, 'what? That's stupid. I don't do that.' And he responds with, 'not only do I want you to pray, but I want you to do it visibly. Pray for Micah and send it to him.'   'And no. Hell no. Not going to.  That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why would I do that?'  'Because I told you to. '  'Fine then. I still think it's the stupidest thing ever.'    So I do it.
The results are still coming out, but I think it's going to be epic. 
The prayers have #1 - made for good conversation and #2 revealed some things about myself.
I am a healer. That is what I do. That is what I'm going to do. That is what I need to learn more of. It's been brought to my attention several times, but I always tend to ignore it. Come up with reasons why I can't. Now I can. I have seen the goal, and what my life looks like, and I am okay with it. Never before has that happened.  I'm going to great Britain in June, but when I get back, the quest to fulfill this begins in earnest.

So here I am. I know why God gave Micah and I different answers. I know how they reconcile. I know that the only thing I can do is let go. I know what my next steps are. I'm not entirely sure how it will all pan out, but a good part of it will be learning new things about myself. I'm really excited.