"the sanctity of life"

Those words were on repeat in my brain as I woke up this morning. The drum  roll from the dreams. Life is sacred. Do not take life heedlessly.
There was so much death in my dream... so many people dying. Lives snuffed out in a feud between families, lives taken on their own accord from guilt. And the void left in their wake. 

I've lost a couple of friends in my life, but no one that was really close to me. I fear that, actually. The thought of myself dying holds no fear, but the thought of the ones I love dying, and having to deal with that loss in my life- I don't want to.
I know there are terrible people in the world, but couldn't you just maim them, and not kill them? Isn't there always a chance for redemption? But if you take the life, you just  took the responsibility of their life on yourself.


Still suffering on and off from the effects of the broken heart.
I worked at another restaurant in the evening on Sunday night, Valentines day. The manager there is an older guy that has had a crush on me for years. He kissed my neck as I was leaving. I wasn't offended or anything, but it just made me sad.
I just want to find my joy again. I hate that it's gone. I hate that all of a sudden I am now lonely, and know now what it means. I hate that I crave his hugs- a hug you could just relax into.
It's like I've had this void in my soul this whole time, he filled it up, and then emptied it out, and now I know what it's like, and so feel the void keenly. I have to ignore it. I have to hide behind the walls, and build them higher, and sturdier.