Stage 1- complete

Stage one of the shut off, is completed. It's amazing how turning off the caring fixes things. When I put the walls back in place a couple days ago, I left a little room for air at the top, just in case- but besides that....
I didn't talk to him at all on Friday, and then hardly anything on Saturday, and I wrote him a message, because he'd made me feel unwanted. I needed him to be the one initiating, because being shot down all the time was getting too hard. Was I taking everything personally? Absolutely. I wasn't ready yet to build those walls.
But, they got built- Thursday night. When I went in to work on Friday, my boss asked me what was going on- I seemed like I was in a better place. I told her stage 1 was commencing.
Sunday evening a email exchange took place. I think it's really the only fight we have ever had- It was really hard for me not to say I'm sorry for exhausting him like I was. I knew what I was doing to him, but I needed to try and get him to see my side. It was especially bad, because my sister and her fiancée got into a tiff that lasted the evening/night, and I could hear the quarrel because their room is right next to mine. I put my earphones in and turned on music, as I tried to go to sleep. All I wanted was to call the boy and make things right with him.  Luckily, we made peace in the morning.  So we talked a little during the day, until he couldn't manage it anymore. If stage 1 hadn't been completed, I would've been hurt by the fact that all we did was talk about him- and he never asked anything about me and my day, or days.  But as it is, it's pretty much at the whatever stage now. I'll take whatever bits of friendship that I can from him, and leave it at that. I can't care. It was really weird though- when I said, "I love you too" in response to his, it was said with as little feeling as the first time I awkwardly said it in response. Proof that the walls are in place.  Do I still love him? Absolutely. But I can't care right now.
As a chameleon, I mirror those around me. He can't care right now, so I can't care.
The walls are up.

Maybe they shouldn't be.