will it ever stop breaking?

I don't know if my heart will ever stop breaking.
I decided to go to the open mic night last night, Micah was there. He came over and said hi and gave me a hug- and immediately went outside. But then he refused to make eyecontact with me for the rest of the night. I didn't know that he was still that upset with me.  I would've tried to get some clarity on it had he spoken to me at all again, but as it was, I knew I had crossed a boundary, again. So I told Kris, that he should tell Micah not to worry about seeing me there again. I didn't want him to not go there because he was worried about seeing me.
Micah wrote me a long message, about how he doesn't, and will never trust me again. How he doesn't wish bad things on me, but he doesn't want to be friends ever again. He might say hi to me if he sees me in the future, but then again, maybe not.  And ended it with how I am not allowed to respond to this message either.
Not only was it a punch in the gut, because I still have no idea what I ever did to him- except not fall out of love when he did. But, why the hell is his opinion the only one that matters. Why do I rate so low that I don't even deserve respect?  Why are his wants and needs the only ones to be considered?  Why am I not allowed a voice to defend myself, to right misunderstandings, to apologize where that is needed?
I think it's fear of facing the results of his decisions. Does he expect me to cry? To lash out on him? I wouldn't. I don't know. It's also a macho thing, that I am less than.

So the question is, why is there still love in my heart for him? I only can assume it's because God put it there. There is nothing attractive about how he's been acting for the past year. My heart says this is just him acting out- this is not who he is. But, I've known him for almost 2 years now, and this person with ugly tendencies has won out over the attractive person who loves and gives of himself so generously.

I wrote him a long email last night- and got no sleep at all. It's already almost 9, and I can barely function. I didn't cry at all, my head just wouldn't shut off. The stress and tension of the whole situation.
I cannot bear not being about to right wrongs. I cannot bear when people have something against me and I can't do anything to make it right. I cannot bear to be hated for no reason.  If I was a bitch, if I was unkind, if I did anything at all- I would understand. But I didn't!

I wanted to run away right after I moved here because I didn't want the memories of being here with him. I didn't want to hear about him from his family. There was no point to being here. But God said stay, so I did.
I want to run away again. I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to run into him. I don't want to live in his territory without being friends.
I don't know how to drop friends without moving away.
I certainly don't know how to drop loved ones.
I don't know how to not be friends with people that I care about. I don't know how to not care.