needs

I've been doing a lot of thinking about needs and being needed and what is right.

So in his current state of mind, the one I love cannot be needed. Probably a symptom of ptsd from the past. He believes he is meant to be alone because relationships are too much for his psyche. He is the only one who would know this, so I have to go along with it.
So I left, not wanting to destroy what we had left in the way of friendship. And now here I sit, 2000 miles away, and I haven't been able to stop wallowing. Staying with my sister and her fiancée hasn't made the wallowing any better, because they are best friends- they finish eachothers sentences, there's giggling that happens after hours in the bedroom... and I miss that. I gave him my heart while I was there and forgot to pack it when I left. So basically I've been left gapingly open.
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. It doesn't. My feelings haven't changed. His feelings, well, my perpetual wallow is making things difficult. So I feel like I need to shut off, but I don't know how to without losing everything. And maybe that's the choice I'll have to make.  He grows tired of me, and that is not a good sign.
I have to find something else to do. Interests and activities that can occupy my brain. That is what I need. I am literally doing nothing with my time. See how much I've been writing? I mean, that's great and all... but it means I'm stuck in my own head.
At this point, I feel like there are two options. 1. I shut off. I reneg on my ability to remain friends. I run away and try to forget everything. 2. I stop trying to help him fix him, and return to being near him so we can function in the day to day as best friends. And build my life separate but close by.  Personally, I like doing life with him.
My decision to leave in the first place was entirely based on the future. If I don't leave, he'll feel like he owes it to me to spend time with me, even when he wants alone time.  If I don't leave, he won't ever feel alone-  which is what he needs. If I don't leave, he'll see the heartbreak in my eyes and won't be able to look at me without feeling a sense of guilt knowing that he was the cause.
All valid reasons to leave.
But, here we are in the present- and all those things are currently destructing us, even from simply phone calls and texts.
What do I need?
At this point, I need (or is it a want?) him in my life. He makes me a better person. He stretches me beyond myself.
But, here is the deal. Whenever I have felt like I needed something in the past, God says no. You have to do it alone. Why would I think this time would be different?  The answer to that, is because God designed the meeting- and all the steps since then.
So, the question now is, what does he need? Which option does he need me to follow?
Also- this is not me changing my mind about the validity of my decision to leave in the first place. I know that that also needed to happen. 1. So that I would let go of the past. 2. So that I would realize things about myself, and the path that I am on.

If I were to follow option 2 what would that look like?  Well, there would have to be ground rules. And acceptance of the fact of love- but not waiting/hoping for things to change. That would not be living in the present, but in the future, once again, where only heartache exists.
If I were to follow option 1- what would that look like?  Well, it's a dismissal of everything. It would require turning off my soul and running away.
I really don't think it's the healthiest option, and it also feels like rejection of God's path. On the flip side, it does look a lot like what I would choose. Turn off, and travel. It just doesn't seem right, though. Why can't it be right? In my quest to experience, this wasn't on my list.
But, this is not a one person decision, not when it effects someone else. What does he want? What does he need? Either option, I'll be okay with. And if he sees an option 3, maybe that will be better.