My words to someone I care about: "I am so unbelievably pissed at you. I hate that I always have to accept your reality, but you always dismiss mine. Why is yours the only one get any consideration?"
This path was a choice.
You either fight for things in life, or you let life bulldoze you. One or the other. Fight to be happy. Fight for the things you want. Cling to the things that are real and true and in the present.
My boss is still working on the schedule, so I should know tomorrow if I'll be departing- or staying. I want to go. It's numbing here, and I feel stuck.
This lack of sleep has to stop. I keep sleeping in the dream stage, so I have anxiety dreams all the time. There's probably only be 3 nights in the past 3 weeks that I have slept solidly and heavily.
Last night this guy Alex that I know from Florida texted me at 1am to say hi, and that he wished I would've let things go to where we should've taken them. When I asked what that was, he said that he should have my ass in his hands as I rode him. .... He has a girl he is planning on asking to marry. When he has hit on me before, I always bring her up, and told him that I am not that kind of girl. But he really doesn't care, not at all. It's nauseating. I can't even tell you how many inappropriate suggestions I have gotten over the years. It's continual. Decency is very rare.
I've found one, but that's it, and I've been through countless of them. It's crazy how many of them I still consider my friends, though, they're really on the lower scale of friends- I know, I'm a chameleon, and I am not easily offended.
Exhausted.
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