the power of words

I fell asleep so early last night, just  a little after 8pm- just have been exhausted for the last few  days.  I startled myself awake at midnight with the thought "I never said goodnight to Micah!"  Probably because it's a habit... it's like when you remember "shit, I left the light on in the shop after I left!" as you fall asleep. This was just backwards and woke me up.
His response was hurtful. He didn't mean it to be, but it was. "You could go several days without talking to me. I would live."
I was given two options for how to handle this. 1; I embrace the hurt and lash out and take a couple days to not talk to him and see how that goes. 2; I talk to him about it, and be able to go back to sleep- returned to harmony.
Option 1 is me loving myself more. It's placing my pride and my hurt above anything else.
Option 2 is me humbling myself, acknowledging his reality.
I chose love.

We talked on the phone for two hours. Mostly about this relationship/friendship we have. He's so worried that I will ignore anyone else who comes along that could love me better than him.  I don't know if that's the case. I've always moved on from guys after they chose someone else, or told me they could not choose me because there was something more important in their lives, and I had no place. Daniel, Kyle, Ricky, Ayyoub, Luke, Mike....
I've always had the defense mechanism in place "My guy doesn't exist, he died as a child." :p which might be terrible, but supposed to be funny. Just because everyone around me was dating, getting married, and there I am, single- perpetually so. Because that's so weird in this society, I had to come up with some way to not need anyone else. He doesn't exist, so I have to be okay alone. And not only okay, but thrive. 
And so I have. I am okay alone. I have always just wanted that best friend who loved me who wanted to adventure and do life with me. That is the relationship I wanted. And I have that. It might not look like I thought it would, but I'm not complaining. I am happy. I love completely. I am loved. Will it forever be enough? I don't know. I assume so because it is now.  But this is a one day at a time thing because this is outside of my control.

We also talked at length, well, more I listened, as he talked about his exwife and the child. He thinks he's over her, but she has such power over him. It breaks my heart to see the pain she inflicts, the anger, the despair.  The seas of life were calming down, and then here she comes and suddenly he's treading water instead of floating as waves crash all around him. But this is his.
Maybe he'll choose her again, even though she says it's not on the table. Then he and I will go our separate ways, because there is no way to maintain the level of emotional and spiritual intimacy that we have if there is someone else in the picture that you're supposed to be sharing that with.
I hope he doesn't though. I feel like it would be disastrous for who he is as a person. That his dream of "oh, so this is what it's supposed to be like" will never come to pass.

One day at a time. I choose love.